Tis the Season! Another year ending, and for those reading this blog, we all have so much to be grateful for. Sure, none of us has everything we could possibly want, but chances are very good we have all that we need: clean water, food in our pantries, shelter, a warm bed, and most of all, people that care about us. It may be hard to believe, but only a couple of hundred years ago, the majority of people didn’t always have these basic things that many of us take for granted. Beyond these basic needs, it’s all fluff and luxury.

I’m not going to turn this into a religious blog entry, but for historical context, the tradition of gift giving during Christmas started with the three wise men bringing gifts to baby Jesus following his birth. Those were much simpler times with minimal luxuries for most, and once a warm bed was had, the three wise men saw fit to offer gold, frankincense (incense used historically in religious ceremony), and myrrh (dried sap used for medicinal purposes) to their king. So how did we go from this thoughtful gift offering to the insane lines of holiday shoppers elbowing and trampling each other on the day after Thanksgiving, literally coming to blows with other holiday shoppers over parking spots and the last iPhone on the shelf, children putting together impossibly long and expensive lists for some fictional fat dude in a red suit, parents going into credit card debt for hundreds or even thousands of dollars, and tears of sadness when their kid realizes he didn’t get the new G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip… damn I’m old… I mean Playstation 5, when the neighbor’s kid did get one?

That’s not a rhetorical question either, I really mean it. How the hell did we get here?! It’s a relatively new phenomenon in the United States, and only a few generations old. Those that lived in the 40s and 50s probably remember family members offering some truly thoughtful gifts that were homemade like a knitted sweater, a figurine whittled from a branch, some fresh baked cookies, or some moonshine from Uncle Jethro’s still in Kentucky. By the 1950s and 60s, with the development of the middle-class in America, many families started shopping more for gifts and making them less often. We had money to spend on gifts, so why not? The trend may have lost a little bit of steam in the 70s during inflation, but regained momentum and then some with the explosion of wealth and technology in the 80s and dot coms in the 90s, and we’ve never looked back.

Part of the problem is that we all have too much! A few decades ago, people were just beginning to enjoy the luxury of having “disposable income”, extra money that we didn’t need for food or shelter. We’ve come to a point where most of us have so much disposable income that we simply buy whatever we feel like we need or want all year long at the moment it’s seen. If we don’t have the cash, no problem, a credit card it is! We have so much that we often purchase things on a whim that aren’t needed or wanted beyond that fleeting moment we see it in the store and say “oh, that’s pretty cool; I’ll buy it!” A year later we see it in the closet, and wonder “what the hell was I thinking?”, and toss it to a landfill.

So the Christmas season is here, and our friends and families are frantically putting together their last minute holiday wish lists. Many of us fit in the category where we’ve already bought all we wanted or needed, so we struggle to put together gift ideas for people. The lists we come up with are downright crazy, like something a kid would put together, as if by some miracle a bearded fat dude in a red suit with limitless resources will buy us anything. Maybe you’ve seen a list with an OLED TV, a Gibson Les Paul, or an iPhone 13 Pro Max on it? Sure, let’s get right on that thousand dollar plus gift! We’ve got credit cards and all year to pay it back!

A lot of holiday wish lists make it clear people have way too much stuff and are grasping for anything. “Oooh, I really need that first season of Alf on Blu-ray, a high pressure glass rinser, and a singing fish wall plaque.” “Maybe if I had a slightly smaller pressure cooker, I would actually use that; how about one of those?” “My home theater sound system doesn’t quite hit right with only an 8-inch subwoofer; I really need a 12-inch sub!” My personal go-to has been “I really have no idea; maybe a gift card or cash and I’ll use it when I feel like I need something?”

The point is, it’s becoming more common that people can buy everything they want and need, and this creates wish lists that give little satisfaction to both the giver and receiver. It’s rare that people have an idea of something they’ve wanted for a long time that is a reasonably priced, that they haven’t bought already, whether they didn’t have or want to spend the extra money… Which leads us to a couple of bizarre Christmas traditions.

Some parents are in the habit of extravagant gift-buying that adds up to thousands of dollars of credit card debt every year. The myth of Santa Clause has made this possible because it’s unreasonable to say, sorry, we can’t really afford that or you know we don’t spend that much on Christmas gifts. Santa can afford it because he has limitless resources! So now mom and dad have to cover the facade by racking up a bunch of debt to keep up with the neighbor’s kid because they have a lot more money and our kid has to get all the same toys or they’ll feel lesser-than. We all know parents that rack up a few thousand of credit card debt for Christmas, pay it down enough to “afford” a vacation in the summer, again on credit, and then pay it down again in time for the next Christmas. It’s this type of behavior that keeps most people in debt and working for the man until they’re 65 or older.

Another bizarre Christmas tradition is the family that exchanges money or gift cards. If everyone has what they want and need, money that can be used when the urge to buy something hits might be the next best thing, right? But if a group of five people sit in a circle and each person hands the other four people a $100 bill, doesn’t everyone walk in and out with exactly the same amount of money in their pockets? So what’s the point?

Before offering some food for thought on where we could go, let’s take a moment to be thankful that we are where we are, where most have our basic needs met including food, shelter, and people that care about us! We certainly don’t want to go back in time when these were often a struggle and there was little to no disposable income, when we had to save all year to afford anything we wanted or hope that someone would gift it to us.

Among gift givers and receivers, there are generally three types of people in the world:

• Those that struggle with meeting basic needs
• Those that have all needs met, but can’t afford all of their wants
• Those that have all they need and want (within reasonable costs)

I truly hope that nobody has someone on their list in the first category, but obviously, if someone close to you is struggling to meet their basic needs, then a basket of groceries, a warm meal, or an offer to fill their gas tank or pay a past due bill is probably a great gift. Ask what they think would help them most and give what you can.

For those in the 2^nd category that have their needs met but have some reasonable wants, a Christmas wish list might make sense, but keep it reasonable! Nobody wants to hear you ask for a $5000 TV or $2000 gaming PC. It just rings of greed or entitlement or both.

I’m willing to bet that most people reading this fit into the 3^rd category above, and that we have everything we need and want within reason, and when someone asks what we want for Christmas, we struggle to come up with ideas. If we have no needs or wants, why would we want anything else to take up space? It’ll probably end up getting donated or in a landfill soon enough. If we have all we want and need, why not help those in the 1^st category, those that don’t have all they need? Would you rather have a programmable universal remote control or give 3 bags of groceries to a family whose father just lost their job? How about instead of another bottle of wine, donate two new blankets to a local homeless shelter? Instead of a swanky new purse to go with your other 10, would it be better to ask for money and donate it to a local children’s hospital to assist families with medical bills? This can carry through to pets also! Do your cats really need that $200 climbing tower, or would your money be better spent with a $200 donation to the local SPCA to help feed homeless animals and save them from being euthanized?

I know that a lot of people want to make a difference and help others, but don’t know where to donate or what charity can be trusted to spend their dollars appropriately and not for some 6-figure CEO salary. On the internet, you can search google maps or a search engine for a food bank, homeless shelter, or children’s hospital in your area. Call them up and ask what they need and how to make a donation; it’s that easy! If you don’t have anything close by, check with the larger national charities, but do your research and make sure they spend most of their donations to help those in need. One of the most trusted names in evaluating value for dollar, Consumer Reports, put together a list of best and worst rated charities a couple of years ago, and you can find that information here: https://www.consumerreports.org/charities/best-charities-for-your-donations-a4066579102/.

Although Christmas, especially in the United States, has morphed into a consumer driven greed-fest, we all have an opportunity to be the change we want to see. You won’t change the world, but you can make your corner of it better by focusing on giving, not receiving; and considering the rift between the haves and have-nots, giving to those most in need.